So maybe that train of thought is a bit ridiculous, but if I was typing to entertain an audience, I would probably write different stuff. Obviously I can't write everything on here because of the off chance that my parents or grandparents or other family members would find it...then where would I be?
So today rant is about...
Careers. My future. Bleh.
You thought I was gonna type "Music" didn't you? HA! Caught you by surprise, future self!
So.
Sometime over the summer, I decided I wasn't quite as interested in science and stuff as I'd been before. I realized that I was still shooting for the science field purely out of habit, and that it wasn't actually something I absolutely unquestionably wanted. I started hesitating. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I "grow up" (I don't like that term a whole lot, because I'd rather not grow anymore in ANY direction, thanks) I kinda started saying "I'm not really sure yet."
Apparently, my parents weren't aware of this (probably cause they never happened to be around) and they tried to use that age-old "How are you ever going to become a ______ if you don't ________?" Except this time I was like "Well, i don't know that I want to be a scientist." And they still didn't get it, "Well, an animal cop or whatever". Yeah, not one of those either. "I don't know" basically, "I give up".
Then the same kind of situation arose a bit later (more recently) and after, i pointed out to my madre, that I didn't know that that's what I actually wanted.
Her reaction was kind of a mix between thrown off, confused, and maybe even a little hurt (I wasn't sure) and she asked what I DID want to do then. So I said "I don't know, maybe something with music" and she started informing me what a not-so-great choice that was, and how she was so surprised I didn't want to be an a scientist of some sort (when I say scientist, I am mostly referring to animal/environmental science). So I said, in my sweet, gentle, un-stubborn and not-at-all blunt way: "Well, I don't."
Today, I was talking about how I didn't like the science class I'm taking and how I was glad it was almost over when she asked about me pursuing that career. I told her basically the same thing: I'm not really sure. And then, she said "Well, thats too bad, I think you have a knack for that kind of thing." ANd her voice was gentle and sad and...disappointed sounding. What? Why does she sound like that? I was thrown off, so I just said, in my once-again, sweet, gentle caring voice (please note the sarcasm) "Huh! Well I don't!" And then her voice drops even softer, and more of everything I listed up there, and she goes "Well, I do."
I tihnk she's trying to guilt trip me. That or she is super upset by this...which I can't understand.
So this threw my mind in turmoil, like Why are you trying to sound like that and since when was my future set in stone and why do you think I need to be someone like that anyways?!
I just don't get it. At all. Like Whaaaaaaaaatt?!
So that's my story for today.
This is a good song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBM_srNAOk8 . It's one I'm learning on guitar. Actually, by the time I read, probably will be "learned". If that makes sense.
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